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About Living in Twilight


Dying

isn't for the

faint of

heart...

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About Living in Twilight


Dying

isn't for the

faint of

heart...

 

There's something reassuring about this banal fact: everyone dies. No matter who you are, where you come from, each life will end the same way: definitively.

The similarities end there: everything in between the starting gate and the finish line is up for endless revision and adaptation: beauty, horror, ugliness, fear, sublimity, ecstasy. Happiness, contentment, miserliness. Creation and destruction, or just mild entropy. 

Our lives are an evolving production for the next stage, whatever it might be. But few people discussed in the course of my life how to help someone else through the wilderness of dying. My brother and I assumed that Dad would be the only human to defy the odds: Dad was going to outlive all of us in some remarkable stasis. Not immortal, certainly, but perhaps just suspended

He didn't. 

I began Living in Twilight when Dad came down with the crudwhich turned out to be not-quite end stage prostate cancerpenning essays that tracked his dying as it unfolded, with no small amount of irony and gallow's wit. Then I picked through the detritus his death left behind, both emotional and physical, as my brother and I tried to make sense of the senseless.

Living in Twilight is about our family figuring out how to go about this business, since nobody else bothered to tell us, and then scrambling back into the harsh daylight after Dad's short dusk.

 
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Nageezi Sunset


Living in Twilight is a story: it has a beginning, a middle and an end. 
It isn't a blog, and it isn't a journal. I wrote it as a book, and
designed it as such.

Nageezi Sunset


Living in Twilight is a story: it has a beginning, a middle and an end. 
It isn't a blog, and it isn't a journal. I wrote it as a book, and
designed it as such.

 

I decided to release Living in Twilight as something other than a paper (or electronic) book (though they exist as both on my hard-drive) for a multitude of boring reasons. The most important was to get it out of my brain, and into the world so it stopped driving me crazy. 

Originally, I designed it as a full-color, full-bleed, hardcover, 400-plus page tome, but because it included a massive hand-picked selection of Dad's art, it was difficult to pitch to publishers. It wasn't quite a biography or memoir. It wasn't an art book, either, though it had plenty to spare. It wasn't fiction, though parts played out with a surreality that felt like a post-modern fairy tale. Living in Twilight wasn't a lot of things, but I never could figure out what it wasAnd because I got tired of trying to explain to publishers what it wasn't, I stopped trying to explain it at all. 

This is Living in Twilight, Mach 3. By now it's gone through countless revisions, and Charles' artwork makes the story more poignant, at least to me. Dad spent his whole life studying, creating and teaching art, so his final story has to reflect that too. 

 
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about-main-reason


But mostly I couldn't shake the feeling
that this might be meaningful
to someone other than myself.

All of us have parents, all of us will die.
And during one of the most difficult, trying, 
crazy-making times of our lives
—watching loved ones die or
doing the hard work of dying oneself—
maybe reading about my brother and I
going through the same thing might give solace.

And realize that it's good to make jokes,
especially at the end.

Death is easy. Dying is hard. 

Quenby Moone a.k.a Ominous Rabbit.

about-main-reason


But mostly I couldn't shake the feeling
that this might be meaningful
to someone other than myself.

All of us have parents, all of us will die.
And during one of the most difficult, trying, 
crazy-making times of our lives
—watching loved ones die or
doing the hard work of dying oneself—
maybe reading about my brother and I
going through the same thing might give solace.

And realize that it's good to make jokes,
especially at the end.

Death is easy. Dying is hard. 

Quenby Moone a.k.a Ominous Rabbit.

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